


Kisses and Misunderstandings

by DreamingIsAlwaysPossible



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bickering, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Doyoung gets a boyfriend but doesn't realise it, Forced coming out, Hurt/Comfort, I didn't mean to write it like that but I guess it will probably be read as it?, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multiple times, Protective Suh Youngho | Johnny, Secret Relationship, Some Fluff, Swearing, THERE IS NO ACTUAL NON-CON, a millisecond of jealous Doyoung, about it, but it's only a misunderstanding, but like by circumstances?, i guess, i guess but if all the other tags are okay i don't see how that is a problem, i think, it will probably not be read as it either, kind of, sorry for the overuse of the tags, we don't see it from the misunderstanding person's POV, why is that not a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26466862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingIsAlwaysPossible/pseuds/DreamingIsAlwaysPossible
Summary: The leader’s head hit the wall with a thud. “Doie, I can hear you panicking.”“I’m sorry. I’m just anxious today.” A hand grasped his hair.“Don’t worry, we don’t -” was all he heard before he felt two hands at his shoulders, and then he was falling backwards.He was just about to demand that the older tell him why the fuck he was thrown across the room when he saw Johnny emerge from the opened door.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 6
Kudos: 224





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a fun fic about someone misunderstanding one (ONE!) situation. Instead it became a 4000+ words fic about internalised homophobia and anxiety. Kind off. The misunderstanding is still there though. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> ((I swear, I haven’t forgotten about my other fic. It’s just life happened and this was my attempt to get back into writing.))

They didn’t have a lot of time, any moment now someone would walk in and find them pressed up against the closet wall. He tried to get lost in the way Taeyong was kissing him, fervently and messily, but he couldn’t think of anything else but all the people on the other side of that door. He leaned down and planted open-mouthed kisses just below the older’s sharp jawline. He could feel his heart beat as if trying to leave his chest. His lips trailed one of the tendons that stretched all the way down to Taeyong’s collarbones. 

The leader’s head hit the wall with a thud. “Doie, I can hear you panicking.” 

He pressed a leg in between Taeyongs’ to get him to stop talking. If this was risky, it would be even worse if Taeyong wanted to start talking about it and someone overheard them. 

He felt the rapper swallow, breaking the moan that was slipping out of him. But still, Taeyong pressed on. “It’s okay, we’ll hear if anyone walks in, and they won’t see us in this corner right away.” 

Doyoung dragged his just slightly shaking hands from Taeyong’s lower back, where they had been resting, to his hips. He broke off the kiss he was placing on the leader’s skin and rested his head against the crook of his neck. Slender hands stroked his neck. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just anxious today.” A hand grasped his hair. 

“Don’t worry, we don’t -” was all he heard before he felt two hands at his shoulders, and then he was falling backwards. His eyes shot open and he stumbled a step before getting hold of the wall behind him. 

He was just about to demand that the older tell him why the fuck he was thrown across the room when he saw Johnny emerge from the opened door. He saw the moment Johnny noticed them, Doyoung leaning unsteady against the wall, while Taeyong stood in the middle of the small room looking as composed as ever. All three of them froze for a second before Taeyong straightened his back minutely and then strode past Johnny, back into the dressing room. 

Now left with Johnny, Doyoung realised he was still leaning his back against the wall as if he was hoping to become a part of it. He pushed himself up, straightened his clothes and took aim at the exit. He barely got a step before Johnny closed the door. He felt his heart pick back up. 

“Are you hurt?” He felt his eyes widen somewhat. 

“No, of course not, hyung. Why would I be?” Doyoung saw Johnny frown as he reached for the door handle. Johnny grabbed his wrist before he could get a hold of the cold metal. 

“Are you guys fighting?” Doyoung felt his face flush and was thankful for his makeup. 

“No, no, it’s nothing.” He tried to smile at Johnny. He knew how to fake a smile, but he wasn’t sure if it would be enough to convince his hyung. 

It turned out to be enough to get him out of that room, but he could feel Johnny’s concerned and contemplating eyes on him for the rest of the day. 

* * *

Doyoung didn’t mean to change how he acted around Taeyong, but he has now realised how close they usually were with everyone else present. And while he knew that they can’t suddenly just know that all the touches now meant different things, he couldn’t help but put some distance between the two of them. He couldn’t risk anyone suddenly finding out this secret. He couldn’t bear it if any of the boys would be less comfortable with him because of it. 

Taeyong said he understood and agreed, though he has a much harder time to tone down the skinship than Doyoung has. Not that Doyoung blamed him, after all, he did enjoy the attention. 

* * *

“Well, I don’t want to watch that stupid movie again! You’ve gotten your way the last three evenings! That’s two too many!” He turned his head away from Taeyong’s pout. 

“But Doie, I like it! And it’s not just me deciding, Donghyuckie and John agreed with me.” 

Right. He threw a look at the youngest, only to see him quickly try to quell a big grin. Naturally the youngest was doing it just to annoy him. Doyoung threw himself down into an armchair, huffing. 

Without looking up from his phone Johnny decided to join the conversation. “I know I would usually agree with Haechan, but I think Doyoungie actually has a point now.” 

“Thank you!” He rose again to get the remote from Taeyong’s hands. He saw Donghyuck grab hold of Johnny's arm and pull himself close to the older. 

“Hyung, please, just once more.” Glancing up from his phone Johnny took in each of their faces. Haechan was pouting while Taeyong was biting his lip, hope shining in his eyes. Johnny looked over to him, as if trying to see Doyoung’s soul. Doyoung could feel his frustration reflected on his face when he saw in Johnny’s eyes how his resolve broke. He threw his hands up and walked out. 

“Sorry, Doyoungie!” was shouted after him. 

* * *

Laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling he saw the door be opened slowly. He closed his eyes, ready to ignore whoever they had decided should talk to him. 

The footsteps stopped next to his bed. Still with his eyes closed he could hear whoever it was next to him breathing. He had a pretty good guess who it would be, but his eyes still shot open when there suddenly was a hand _quite_ high up on his thigh. 

He saw Taeyong looking at him with pleading eyes. “I’m sorry. I swear this is the last time this month.” Scoffing he closed his eyes. 

“It’s just so fun to see you aggravated.” He felt the bed dip next to him and then a hot breath on his ear. “Also, think about all we could do with that extra pent up energy later.” The hand on his thigh dragged a tiny bit higher and his breath hitched. 

Taeyong left him alone. He took a few more minutes, but when he heard the intro start he heaved himself up. It was ridiculous. He should not give in to Taeyong this easily. 

Walking past the couch with Haechan and Johnny on, he felt how warm his face was. Sitting as far away from Taeyong as possible would be the only way to get through this without going insane. He tried to keep his appearance neutral, but he wasn’t certain how well he succeeded with how he kept getting looks throughout the movie. 

There was a peculiar mixture of emotion inside him. Every suspicious look made his skin crawl, while Taeyong’s eyes burned in the most pleasant way. 

* * *

Taeyong pounced. Doyoung was helpless against it, leaving him falling backwards and nearly crushing Taeil, who was sitting on the sofa. 

“Can you two never let up the fighting? I came here to get away from all the fuss upstairs.” 

“I will, the moment Doyoung gives back my ring!” 

Johnny sighed. “You’re like two small children. Please just stop bickering.”

Doyoung grinned, he’d not give up while he had the upper hand! He stretched his hand even further above his head, and away from Taeyong, while he clutched the ring as tight as he could. Taeyong, however, was not deterred. Propping himself up he began to crawl closer to Doyoung’s hand, which nearly reached the new seat Taeil had moved to. 

“Doyoung! Give it back!”

“No way!” 

“Please, I’ll even get you a matching ring if you just give it here!” 

Taeyong winked at him from above. Doyoung felt himself flush slightly. Matching rings with Taeyong. Yes, please. 

“I wouldn’t give you my ring size, even if you asked nicely.” Taeyong pouted. 

Suddenly Doyoung became hyper aware of their position on the couch. Taeyong was straddling his chest while reaching for his hand, high above his head. 

It seemed as if the same thing had occurred to Taeyong, who quickly glanced up at Taeil. He looked back down with a smirk and almost imperceptibly swayed his hips back and forth. Doyoung’s mouth went dry. Taeil could most probably not see it, but the fear still flooded him. He tried to sit up, but with Taeyong on his chest, that was not happening. Panicked he looked up at the rapper. Taeyong just held out his hand until Doyoung got it. 

When the ring was safely back on Taeyong’s finger he jumped off the couch. Doyoung was not far after him. Taking his chance now that he was free he fled the room. He just hoped nobody else in the room had seen what had happened. 

* * *

“- and then in the middle of filming he decides to jump forward and flap his arms!” Mark started laughing and hitting poor Jungwoo, who was sitting beside him. 

“Yeah, Baekhyun-hyung is quite funny sometimes.” Doyoung could see a smile break out on Taeyong’s face. An ugly feeling blossomed up in his chest. A burning and heavy feeling. Did they really have to keep talking about the ‘amazing’ sunbaes? 

Crossing his arms he leaned back. “Yeah, we’ve heard that by now.” 

The others around the sofa looked at him in surprise. Meeting Taeyong’s eyes he could see something break a little in the leader’s smile. His chest got even more heavy, but now with guilt. Did he really have to ruin the excitement in Taeyong and Mark at working with their seniors? 

Standing up from the sofa he stalked away to the kitchen. He heard Taeyong say he’d sort it out. 

Waiting in the middle of the kitchen with his arms crossed and back to the door, he heard the others go back to talking as Taeyong closed the door after him. 

He did not want to say sorry. He really didn’t, but the heavy feeling in his chest was suffocating. 

“What’s going on?” The hand on his shoulder did nothing to to quell the guilt eating away at him. To his horror he felt his eyes starting to water. Could he be any more pathetic? 

“Bunny?” That forced a snort out of him. He turned around, meeting Taeyong’s eyes again. Unlike before, there was now only understanding and affection shining back at him. 

“I don’t want to think about you leaving. And that’s all I can think of when you talk about them. It’s enough to lose you for weeks at a time. I don’t want to be constantly reminded of it.” 

A hand cupped his cheek, thumb dragging along his cheekbone. “I get it. But I’m here now.” 

Just once. Just this time Doyoung didn’t care. He didn’t care that the others were just a few meters away. 

Their lips met as he felt Taeyong bump into the counter behind the older’s back. His hands pushed against the surface, caging Taeyong. To not let him get away. Taeyong’s hands were pulling at his waist just as desperate. He didn’t need to breathe, just the warmth of the other man’s mouth on his. The chapped lips against his was heaven. 

This was where they both belonged. At each other's sides, be it on stage, in the kitchen or on the moon, thousands of miles away. 

* * *

He had no grasp on how long they had stood there in the kitchen before he heard the door open. This time he flew back on his own accord, trying to dampen the adrenaline spreading through him. 

He saw Taeyong’s slightly dazzled eyes before he tore his eyes away from the man in front of him, only to once again find Johnny at the door. He felt himself pale at the thought of him now connecting the dots. For him to figure out why he kept finding them in places alone. 

“I just came to check you hadn’t killed each other.” 

Taeyong managed a breathless laugh. “No worries, Johnny. Everything’s fine.” 

Doyoung felt his limbs slowly start to work again and he took a deep breath. Maybe he was overreacting. Johnny would have said something if he had seen them, right? He wasn’t the type to let something like this just sit unsaid. 

Johnny took another step into the kitchen. “So what were you doing?” 

Doyoung’s brain drew up blank, blood still pumping harder than normal. 

“We were just talking, weren’t we, Doie?” 

“Yes, right. That.” Great, where had his usual quip gone? 

“Right.” Johnny looked at them both, one eyebrow raised. How Doyoung still was standing up, he didn’t know. It felt as if all his blood had vacated to his feet. He was so highly strung that he felt as if he would break any second. 

It seemed as if Taeyong finally realised how pale the younger looked because he took a step towards him with a hand raised as if to steady him. 

Doyoung couldn’t stop the flich. He didn’t know why he flinched. Probably because Johnny was standing there looking at them with questioning eyes and he just knew he couldn’t seek out Taeyong for comfort, that he was supposed to just be his leader and friend when the others were around. 

He didn’t stick around to see how much he managed to hurt Taeyong once again. He didn’t wait to see if Johnny would share what he thought. 

Slamming his bedroom door shut he sunk down to the floor. Burying his head in his hands he tried to calm his erratically beating heart and shallow breaths. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second part that has grown to twice the size it was yesterday. 
> 
> If you see any mistakes, please tell me. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It was a few days later when Johnny came knocking on his door. The tall man sat himself on the manager’s bed, opposite Doyoung, hands clasped tightly. 

“I need to talk to you.” 

“That was pretty clear, hyung. What is it?” 

He had dreaded this moment. Would this be the moment of truth?

“You know that you can tell me anything, right?” 

Doyoung willed down the urge to rub his hands against his thighs. 

“Yes.” 

_Almost._

“Please know that I only say this because I care for you and I’m a bit worried.” 

Worried that Doyoung would inconvenience them no doubt. Taeyong already had so many scandals hanging over him, he didn’t need any warning about it. Maybe worried that Doyoung - 

Stop it. Stop. 

Johnny had never expressed any thoughts that pointed towards him being against love between two men. 

Wait… 

Love? 

_Shit_. 

“Are you okay?” 

Doyoung blinked. Admittedly this was not where he expected the conversation to start, but it was still a better start than he might have hoped for. On the other hand, Johnny must be pretty worried to sit down like this to ask him. Might not be too easy to reassure him. 

“Yes, I’m fine.” If it’s fine to be attracted to men despite being one. If it’s fine to hook up with a bandmate, repeatedly. If it was fine that he, as an idol, very much wanted to date his best friend. “Are you?” 

Johnny looked at him blankly. “Yes, Doyoung.”

They sit in silence for a bit. It seemed as if Johnny was trying very hard to tell him something, without telling him what. 

“Do I need to talk to Taeyong about anything?” 

Doyoung stiffened. “No, what would that be?” 

He didn’t like the way that Johnny was looking at him, as if to try to find any crack he could and then take a hammer to it. 

“You’re not okay, whatever you may say.” Doyoung opened his mouth to protest, but Johnny continued. “You don’t have to hide anything from us. I know all of us would support you, even if it had to be against-” The older stopped and Doyoung tilted his head. Against what? Taeyong? Their fans? The press that would eat them alive? 

“You know what, maybe I’m being stupid.” The older stood up. “Hopefully I’m just paranoid.” He laughed. “Didn’t think there’d be a day when I would be hoping for that.” 

Doyoung was confused. So Johnny didn’t know about them then? Would he still talk to Taeyong? Would Taeyong tell them if Johnny asked? Most probably not. He seemed just as reluctant as Doyoung to talk about it. 

“I’ll let you go back to…” Johnny gestured vaguely. Doyoung nodded, still confused. “Just come talk to me if there is anything wrong, okay?” 

“I will, hyung.” Johnny nodded shortly, and then he was gone, leaving Doyoung with more questions than he had before. 

It was such a taboo subject, and it would ruin their carers if anyone found out. Shouldn’t that mean that there is something not right about it? Is that what Johnny was talking about? 

* * *

The others were out, leaving only Taeyong and Doyoung on the fifth floor. 

All morning Taeyong had been teasing him, hands dragging over his waist when he walked past, kisses pressed to his neck when everyone else were turned away. He usually gave as good as he got, but today was different. He could feel the need to be cared for, to give the reins to Taeyong for once, grow in his chest. 

He wanted to feel that belonging he only felt in Taeyong’s arms. Take away the worry that he was strange, if only for a few minutes. 

* * *

Doyoung was grateful there was nobody home, since he doubted they would have missed his yelp as Taeyong turned him over to his stomach. 

“Should I leave you here, hm? Leave you here to be found by the next person to get home? Let them see how desperate you are. How pretty you look when you’re begging.” The nearly silent whispers in his ear were driving him crazy. It would be so humiliating if anyone else saw him like this, pants were still on, but he was so desperate -- 

“No! No, do- don’t! _Please,_ hyung!” He could feel tears well up in his eyes as he wiggled to get closer to the body above him. Taeyong’s hands were pressing his down into the couch, their fingers intertwined. “Please, anything. I’ll do-” He arched up, only to be met with nothing. The hands that were previously holding his were gone. 

For a heartstopping moment Doyoung felt ice spread through his chest. Was Taeyong actually going to leave him here, laying on the couch to die from embarrassment. 

That was until he heard a yell and opened his eyes. 

“What the fuck, Taeyong?” 

He scrambled up to intervene, but froze at the sight that met him with Taeyong being pressed against the wall by, what could only be, Johnny. The leader tried to talk. 

“No, Johnny, it’s fine! We -” Johnny slammed a hand against the wall next to Taeyong’s head and a whimper left Taeyong’s mouth. 

“Fine? This is not fine! I’ve had my suspicions for a while, but I didn’t do anything about it because I couldn’t believe it to be damned true.”

Doyoung couldn’t do anything, he was frozen both from shock, but also fear. Did Johnny think there was something wrong with them now? 

He felt more tears well up in his eyes, but no longer out of pleasure. He saw a second person move closer to them and flinched away. He was so uncomfortable and self-conscious, sitting in the middle of the living room couch, caught red-handed. A sob left him. 

“I’m sorry, John-hyung. Please, don’t hate-” His voice broke. He heard Taeyong make another whimpering sound, but couldn’t focus on anything else but to try to take deeper breaths. There was a new pressure on his chest, a weird tingling in his fingers and a cold taking over his body. There was nothing he could say to make this better. They’d be thrown out, since Johnny obviously couldn’t accept living in the same dorm as them, and would probably not want to work with them from now on anymore. 

How could they have been so stupid to think they’d get away with it. They lived closely with nine other people, of course someone was bound to notice. Poor Johnny had walked in on them the most, it was only natural that he couldn’t put up with it anymore. 

“I can’t believe you, Taeyong. What have you done to him?” Johnny growled. 

A soft blanket is wrapped around his naked shoulders. Two arms sneaked their way around him and he started to hiccup more with how gently Jaehyun was treating him. The younger tried to comfort him. “It’s okay, hyung. It’s alright. We’re here now.” 

The words didn’t reach him though the haze of humiliation. His hyung had reacted even worse than he could have anticipated, never before had he seen Johnny use his strength against anyone in this way. 

He was vaguely aware of a hand brushing through his hair and Jaehyun calling to the other two, though his arms never left Doyoung. Not even a moment later his field of vision was filled with Johnny crouching in front of him. 

All that left him was a string of apologies he couldn’t stop. He saw Johnny shake his head and his heart plummeted to the bottom of his stomach, a heavy feeling settling. Of course some apologies wouldn’t be enough. His ears were roaring but he saw Johnny’s mouth moving, he tried to hear him speak but there weren't any comforting words. 

“No, Doyoung. It’s not- not your fault. We should have realised sooner.” Johnny’s eyes were glassy. 

Realised what? That he was abnormal? It’s not as if they could have done anything about it anyway. 

He saw Taeyong slumped against the wall, left on the floor after Johnny had released him. The moment their eyes met he could see Taeyong trying to push himself off the floor, get closer to them. Even now he was trying to be the strong one, trying to calm Doyoung despite the distance between them. 

“Breath, Doie. Brea-” Johnny’s head whipped around. 

“You stay there and don’t say another fucking word to him. You hear me?” His voice was steel, leaving no room for argument. Doyoung sunk back, he didn’t know when the fury would turn on him, but he was not looking forward to it. He might as well use this calm to try to get some sympathy from Johnny. 

“Please, don’t tell anyone.” Johnny’s focus was back on him. He was frowning. Maybe that hadn’t been the best-

“I get why you say that, I really do, but I think this is something the company needs to know about. We can’t do anything about it otherwise.” 

What would they do? Send him somewhere to ‘get better’? He’d heard about it. It wasn’t something he’d expect from the company, but he wasn’t certain enough to completely put it past them. 

“No, please, I don’t want to go. I can go home, okay? I’ll go back to my parents instead!” They’d still want him. They would. Surely? 

“You’re not going anywhere.” Doyong perked up. “If there is anyone that’s leaving, it’s the trash over there.” His head nodded towards Taeyong where he was sitting, still on the floor. 

So they were trying to keep them apart? But surely the company would much rather keep Taeyong than him. The other was much more profitable than him. 

“No, I- Don’t send him away!” Johnny recoiled. 

“What do you mean!? We can’t just do nothing! The asshole was clearly trying to- to assault you or something!” 

A weak “What?” was heard from Taeyong. 

“Don’t play dumb with me, both Jaehyun and I saw you holding him down.” 

So what? They thought-?

Oh.

_Oh._

“No, no! He didn’t! I mean I-” _wanted it._

He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t. But he’d have to, because otherwise they’d think Taeyong had tried to- to force himself on him. 

But he wasn’t ready! He wasn’t- Wasn’t- 

He gasped, trying to get more air in his lungs. “No, I- I-” 

“It’s okay, Doyoung. You don’t have to say anything now. He can sleep in the other dorm and we can share room so he can’t-” 

“I wanted it.” He squeezed his eyes together, not wanting to see their real reactions. 

“You don’t have to protect him. We’ll believe you.” A hand stroked his hair. “I’ve seen him push you around enough to know that something isn’t right! You bloody flinched away from him the other day!” 

So now he’d have to convince people he didn’t actually want to know that he wanted to be held down by a man. Could the ground, please, just swallow him whole?

“No, John-hyung. I actually wanted it.” His voice had never sounded so small. Two people look back at him sceptically. 

“Is that why you’re panicking and can’t breathe?” Jaehyun deadpanned. 

“No, that’s because I’m fucking terrified of what you’ll think.” This time it’s three pairs of eyes that widen. 

“What? Because you’re gay, or something?” 

“Or something, yeah.” His lungs had stopped burning but he couldn't look anyone in the eye. He was shaking from the thought of either Johnny or Jaehyun rejecting him. But he couldn’t look at Taeyong either, not when he basically just said that he’s ashamed to be with him? 

Not that he was! Taeyong was the best to ever happen to him! But that was probably not what he just heard. 

“Okay.” A warm hand grabbed his. 

Jaehyun’s warm brown eyes met his. 

“What?” He barely dared to breath. 

“Okay, if that’s what you are, hyung. It’s not going to change anything.” 

He felt his bottom lip wobble. “Really?” 

“Yes, really.” The youngest pulled him into another hug and he went without any fight. His body felt light and like there was soda flowing through his veins. 

“So, you are telling me, one hundred percent, that he didn’t force you. Not into anything?” 

“Yes, hyung, that’s what I’m telling you.” He saw Johnny’s shoulder slump down. 

“Oh thank god!” Then in the next second he shot up. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Tae!” 

Johnny stumbled his way over to their leader. “I can’t believe I honestly thought-!” 

Grabbing Taeyong by the hands, he helped the other man up from the floor. As soon as he was on his feet Johnny threw his arms around him. Doyoung could hear muffled talking and saw Taeyong hug Johnny back, but he was too focused on the warmth radiating through him from Jaehyun. 

“But wait, that doesn’t explain why you always looked pushed around anytime I saw you two, or why you flinched away from him?” 

Doyoung could help the small teary laugh that escaped him. The relief that they accepted them was making him giddy. “That was us trying to not be found kissing anytime anyone, mostly you, walked in. Me flinching away was just because I was so stressed out about the situation and that maybe you’d figure it out.” 

Looking up, he realised Taeyong hadn’t said anything yet. 

“Tae?” 

Their eyes met and Doyoung could see something was wrong. He swallowed. It was okay, they would deal with it, together. He wouldn’t be angry about Doyoung’s fear, right? Maybe he was annoyed with Doyoung’s inability to help him before, when Johnny was angry?

“I trust that you can keep this secret for a while?” Taeyong offered a hand to Doyoung, which the younger accepted. 

“Of course, take your time.” 

“Great, I think Doyoung and I got some things to talk about so we’ll just…” He gestured towards his room.

“Yeah, yeah, go on. We’ll go and hang out with Jungwoo or something.” Two grins were sent their way. He understood what they were getting at, but the jelly in his legs better reflected what he himself felt in this situation. 

He hoped Taeyong wouldn’t want to break this off now that some of their friends knew about it. His heart wouldn’t be able to handle that. He’d just have to be strong for once, be the one to protect Taeyong from his own feelings. The other had never said anything about this being anything else but a way to let out steam, but still avoid another scandal. Perhaps he had chosen Doyoung just because he trusted him, as his best friend, to not spread it around. It was Doyoung’s own fault for going and getting attached. 

Taeyong pressed lightly on his shoulders, and Doyoung’s legs gave way easily, leaving him sitting on the leader’s bed. 

Taeyong dashed around the room. He kept moving things, books from the desk up on the shelves, his shoes from one side of the room to the other, only to move them right back. 

“Tae?” 

Said man stopped right as he was hanging up a shirt on one of his hangers. “Yes. Right.” 

Closing the wardrobe door he shuffled over to sit next to Doyoung. 

It felt stiff. They weren’t looking at each other and Doyoung didn’t know how to start this. What should he say that wouldn’t reveal too much? But at the same time not make this worse? Taking a deep breath he couldn’t help it. Taeyong had been his source for comfort for too long now. 

Slowly he stretched out his hand between them. He didn’t look up, but he could feel his hand shaking lightly. He felt his heart start pumping again. He hoped that even if they couldn’t be anything else, that Taeyong would still be his best friend after this. 

But his hope was dying the longer he had to sit there, hand stretched out, but no other hand interlacing with his. 

Just as his heart plummeted for a second time that day, and he was starting to take his hand back, he felt a tickling of fingers brushing his and then a warmth as their two hands clasped one another. 

He let out a breath. Okay. 

“I’m sorry.” Doyoung looked up. Taeyong had his head bowed, fringe covering his eyes. 

“What for?” He didn’t have anything to be sorry for, as far as Doyoung was concerned. 

“I didn’t know you were that uncomfortable. I mean I saw that there was something, I just assumed it was the normal fear when sneaking around with a secret.” 

“Ah.” Their hands were laying on the bedspread between them. He saw that Taeyong was wearing the same ring that Doyoung had taken the other day. Picking faintly at it, the corner of his mouth lifting. But glancing up at Taeyong he didn’t get any reaction so he stopped it. “It’s okay, you know. I could have said something. You can’t be expected to just read my mind.” 

“I’d like it if I could though.” They shared a smile. 

“No, I don’t think that would be good at all.” Doyoung chuckled lightly. 

“Maybe not, but all I can think of is how I kept teasing you, when the others were right there! I can’t imagine how uncomfortable that must have been for you. You had an anxiety attack or something because you were afraid of what they would think!” 

Taeyong buried his face in his hands. Doyoung put an arm around him, patting his shoulder. No, this was just not enough. Turning where he sat he pulled Taeyong closer. Both arms around him he couldn’t help but bask in their closeness. 

“I’m not going to lie, there were some times when I did panic about it.” He felt Taeyong shrink, almost imperceptibly. That just wouldn’t do. “But at the same time, I did enjoy your attention.” 

“You have my attention, I just sometimes have to act like you don’t.” Doyoung felt himself flush at those words. 

Maybe there was a chance that there was more to this for Taeyong as well? 

As always with Taeyong, he was caught off guard, when the other leaned more of his weight on him, leaving them piled on the bed. Taeyong moved around a bit before he was comfortably hidden in Doyoung’s chest. Doyoung held on to him, wishing that this could last. That he would always have Taeyong like this, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to expose himself and his feelings any more today. Perhaps he’d have the courage to talk to Taeyong about it in a few days. 

Closing his eyes he hoped that nothing would change. That he could still get Taeyong’s kisses tomorrow and the day after. Because if he does, maybe there’s a chance for them. 

“I’m the worst boyfriend ever.” 

Heart leaping to his throat, he completely froze. He felt Taeyong stiffen as well. 

“Boyfriend?” After everything his poor voice had been through today he barely made a sound as he spoke. 

Taeyong glanced up at him from where he was using Doyoung as a pillow. 

“I- I- “ Doyoung could see his ear turning red. “I know we haven’t talked about it, and I don’t want to assume.” Taeyong started to draw back. “If that’s not what you want, I completely understand, I just-” 

Cupping Taeyong’s face he kissed _his boyfriend_. 

“We have to get better at talking to each other.” 

* * *

“Lee Taeyong! I know it’s you that has taken-” 

Barging in through the door he found the man frozen, his head and one arm through just the sweater he was looking for. They stare at each other. 

“Sorr-”

“I gue-” 

They both stop. He could see Taeyong’s cheeks turning pink. He lowered his head. 

“Just help me out of it and you can have it back. Sorry.” 

Walking over to the stuck older man he grabbed the hem of the shirt and the sleeve that was still free. Taeyong moved as if to pull out of it. Before he managed Doyoung dragged it all the way down. 

He saw, in the corner of his eye, that Taeyong was watching him as he threaded the other’s arm through the sleeve. Grabbing the hand as it was finally out he placed a kiss on the knuckles. Fingers tracing the sharp jaw he pecked the older’s forhead, nose and then finally lips. 

“Perfect fit.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This monster just kept growing, because I didn’t want to leave it half-assed. 
> 
> I really appreciate if you leave any constructive criticism. Or just any of your thoughts on this.


End file.
